Sickipedia

Increase your chances of not being deported if you're an illegal immigrant by committing huge amounts of crime and pretending you're the real victim.claiming to be 14 if your 6foot 6 helps but is not always essential.

Kids today have no idea how to mock each other properly. When I was a kid sticking your tongue into your bottom lip and making your chin protrude along with tucking your elbows into your shirt to give you short arms was the done thing. To top it off using the special voice and uttering the words I'm a Joey to your victim was a daily pastime. I still use this on the wife now and then when she can't use a tin opener or something try it fellow pedians,I guarantee a smile..

BMW..fix the indicators on your cars during this recall I'm not a fucking medium.

So whilst eating dinner with the family my son says dad you know Liam at school, Yes what about him I reply Well has his mum got trouble getting out of her back door. What? Only I heard you saying to Steven's dad earlier when you picked me up that you wanted to smash her back doors in.

Was telling my friend how I should get a blind dog for the mother law, Do you not mean a guide dog he replied. Nah definitely blind if the dog sees her it will probably go for her throat. Respect to Bernard manning who I first heard tell this from, christ if he was alive now he would have some material .

Remember if ten pin bowling to use the bowlers name "3 test tickles", inevitably at sometime during the game unless your gay or a spazzer you should knock over all ten pins with two balls ,the score display should then congratulate you on achieving a spare . Kudos to whom first created this.

I saw you in the park ,I wanted to be your friend, so I tunnelled my snout up your non -barking end. Credit to john hegley

I saw an attractive women walking a dog in our local park whilst walking my own. Immediately I thought I wouldn't mind giving her what for. So my dog being a bit like minded makes a beeline for her dog,probably thinking the same. I said to this woman I wouldn't mind licking your arse, sorry I mean my dog wouldn't mind licking your arse. Sorry I meant to say it looks like my dog likes your dog. Bollocks she now knows the real me.

Homeless people with mobile phones, Kind of makes sense you can't ring em on the home phone can you.

What's the difference between niglets and twiglets.? Your welcome to bring the latter to my kids birthday party.