Sickipedia

Why don't we carpet bomb huge areas of the country with packs of bacon? Anybody seen not scrambling for it gets one in nut,who wouldn't want free bacon? Problem solved. if a few vegetarians kop it we will have to look the other way.

I saw an attractive women walking a dog in our local park whilst walking my own. Immediately I thought I wouldn't mind giving her what for. So my dog being a bit like minded makes a beeline for her dog,probably thinking the same. I said to this woman I wouldn't mind licking your arse, sorry I mean my dog wouldn't mind licking your arse. Sorry I meant to say it looks like my dog likes your dog. Bollocks she now knows the real me.

I saw you in the park ,I wanted to be your friend, so I tunnelled my snout up your non -barking end. Credit to john hegley

Where do they get them long eggs that go in gala pies from?, I wouldn't wanna be the chicken that crimps them out.

Why did they stop putting golliwogs on jam jars.? So grenfell survivors had to work a bit harder to create false I.d. to illegally sublet more properties.

Remember if ten pin bowling to use the bowlers name "3 test tickles", inevitably at sometime during the game unless your gay or a spazzer you should knock over all ten pins with two balls ,the score display should then congratulate you on achieving a spare . Kudos to whom first created this.

Gutted my horse "my face" never ran today at the narional,always enjoy the slutty Scouse ladies cheering it on....

Looking smart I said to my Muslim mate ,mo,Is that a bomber jacket your wearing. No sense of humour the bacon dodging fucker..

Was telling my friend how I should get a blind dog for the mother law, Do you not mean a guide dog he replied. Nah definitely blind if the dog sees her it will probably go for her throat. Respect to Bernard manning who I first heard tell this from, christ if he was alive now he would have some material .

Whenever I see a really spazzy kid on the news I keep watching invariably the mum is a milf.