Sickipedia

Chris Martin's had a busy year, falling through trapdoors, exposing millionaires' affairs. It's like watching Scooby Doo.

Scientists in Wales announced today they have discovered a whole new use for sheep. Wool.

First 6 million Jews die in the holocaust. Now 8 Brazilian people have died in a hot air balloon accident!

My girlfriend asked me if I thought female comedians were funny. I said "Are you kidding? Women are hysterical!"

Liam Payne's death is a completely avoidable tragedy. But I'm glad to see it hasn't stopped youtube showing me life insurance adverts before I listen to any of his songs.

I can only imagine how prince William is feeling with both his Dad and wife in hospital. Probably 'WOOOHOOO!! I'm going to be King and can bang some fresh snatch! Look out Henry the Eighth, I'm going to break your record!'

'Raducanu's comeback ended by China's Wang.' If it was my wang I'd give her a comeback as many times as she liked!

Devoid Soul

Thankfully that's the last we'll hear about Derek Draper. Except for Kate Garraway's tearful interviews on TV. and in the papers. and then the over the top funeral. and then the announcement of the Derek Draper Covid Memorial Fund. and then the head of the charity getting prosecuted for embezzlement. and then their kids growing up and getting overpaid jobs just because he died.

Just saw Quinten dressed as a sheep. I said are you off to a fancy dress party? He said "No I'm going to Wales, ooooooooh!"