Last week I found out I was a spider! 🕷️
Optical Express were advertising LASER eye surgery from £595 per eye.
After my free consultation I was given a quote of £4760
GB NEWS: Woman gang-raped in churchyard before Good Samaritan stepped in to help.
That was me, the Good Samaritan.
After I stepped in to help it became consensual group sex.
My ex girlfriend told me that her mum had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was in the middle of chemotherapy so I turned around to her and said, “good luck, I wish you the best and I hope you beat that horrible deadly mass”.
She said, “awww, Thankyou so much. What a lovely thing to say”.
I was actually talking to the cancer.
After the Air India crash and with me being involved in the aviation industry, some of my friends have asked me what a RAT is and what does it do.
Basically, a RAT is anyone who voted Labour at the last election.
Have you ever bought something because you’ve seen it appear in a funny video?
Anyway, I just bought ‘Over The Horizon - Samsung’ ringtone. It blew Ronnie McNutt’s mind
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