Sickipedia

I recently visited Auschwitz and found it very moving and quite disturbing. But at the end of the tour I couldn't help feeling they've missed a trick. No gift shop, I mean everyone loves a t-shirt or a fridge magnet.

Sadly my wife passed away, upstairs in bed today. On the plus side, I've just had anal for the first time.

My mate Dave said, "My wife's gone on a diet this week." I said, "Mine lost 2 pound last week." He said, "I didn't know she was on a diet." I said, "She's not, she shaved her minge"

Available January 2021 The COVID-19+ and the COVID-19S.

A puff says to the doctor, "Can you help me? I've got a packet of cream crackers stuck up my arse." The doctor says, "Jacobs?" The puff says, "No, they belong to my boyfriend."

My grandad's dog died not long after he passed away. I forgot to feed him as well.

It's my first night shift tonight in my new job as a prison officer and I'm on suicide watch. Brilliant, I've never seen anyone kill themselves before. Hope it's a hanging.

I was walking in the jungle the other day when I saw a monkey with a banana in one hand and a tin opener in the other. I said to him, "You've don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He replied, "I know, it's for the custard, you fucking retard."

The Queen is making a speech today? I haven't even got the fucking turkey in the oven.

I don't eat Indian food anymore. I just chuck a tenner down the toilet. It cuts out the middle man.