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stallion

Member since 8 years ago

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About Me

I wander around the Scottish Highlands with my dog and drink whisky.

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Scotland

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scotty

member since 8 years ago

stallion

3 months ago-Other-Professions-Post Rating : 16

My girlfriend found out that I was an organ trafficker. "How can you do that," she yelled. "You don't have a heart!" "I've got four actually," I replied.

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3 months ago-Other-Wordplay-Post Rating : 17

Mount Rushmore used to be an area of unpresidented beauty.

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5 months ago-Racism-All Races-Post Rating : 26

Do you know what separates us from the animals? The English Channel.

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3 months ago-Sex and Shit-Incest-Post Rating : 16

My girlfriend has the same name as my mum, which is quite handy when we're fucking. I don't have to worry about accidently calling out my girlfriend's name.

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4 months ago-Other-Animals-Post Rating : 18

As I was paying at the till, she asked, "Would you like a bag for that?" "No," I replied, as I put the goldfish in my pocket.

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6 months ago-Other-Professions-Post Rating : 7

I turned off the light and snuggled under the duvet but I still didn't get any sleep. Fucking ships crashing into the rocks.

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8 months ago-Crime-Violence-Post Rating : 10

I don't like seeing people die. I want to watch them keep on suffering.

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9 months ago-Other-Food and Drink-Post Rating : 13

My wife was upset about being fat. "Keep your chin up," I said, "otherwise it looks like you've got three and it's disgusting."

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2 months ago-Racism-American-Post Rating : 8

I've opened a restaurant for the sole use of Native Americans. You can't get a table unless you have a reservation.

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2 months ago-Sex and Shit-Women-Post Rating : 10

My favourite pickup line is, "I have a knife and a penis." Their reaction decides which I'll stick in them.

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