Sickipedia

What's the difference between Emma Raducanu and Prince Andrew? Emma's not scared of an American court.

I've just won the World Domestic Violence Championship. I knocked out my daughter in the semis and beat my wife in the final.

Jürgen Klopp has always claimed he feels like a Liverpool fan. Now he's even made himself unemployed to feel even closer to them.

Nicola Sturgeon is delighted that it's going to be easier to self declare a new gender in Scotland. He's so excited, he's waving his little willy round and round in the air!

The new John Lewis seems to tell the story of a little coloured kid who is secretly groomed by an extremely sinister white character. Obviously not filmed in Rotherham then.

"My wife had to do a lateral flow test in the bathroom this morning." I said to Muhammed at work. "What's that then?" he replied. "The area of the house we use to wash and clean ourselves every day."

"Do anything nice at the weekend?" asked the blonde bird at work today. "Yeah, we saw James Bond at the cinema" I replied. "Oh ,oool!" she said, "What was he watching?"

Shaun Ryder and Bez have confirmed they both agree with England's support for #BLM and would be happy to take an E to prove it.

I just got back from acting in a porno where there were 8 black guys and I was the only white bloke. I had a really small part.

Football, in the words of Diane Abbot, is a game of three halves.