Sickipedia

Today is Hitler's 131st birthday. I notice Google didn't do a doodle.

In all the festivities of the day it is easy to get caught up in the merriment and forget the true meaning of the occasion. A time of year we should be truly grateful for the efforts and sacrifices made by a remarkable man and should all be reminded that we now need to rally behind the cause and build on the great foundations built by the great man, so here's wishing you a very happy birthday Adolf.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm using one hand while thinking of you!

Today is Hitler's 130th birthday. I notice Google didn't do a doodle.

What's long and green and has nearly disappeared? ..... My cucumber.

I keep hearing pretentious twats saying 'De Riguer' to describe stuff. Sounds sophisticated doesn't it? but it's really just French for Zeitgeist.

For a couple of months now, I've been getting to know a very friendly young lady who insists on calling me every evening for a chat. Earlier today, I plucked up the courage to ask her if I could masturbate to the sound of her sexy voice. I think that's the last time I'll get a call from Anglian Windows.

An old man walked into a barber's shop for a shave and a haircut. He told the barber he couldn't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks were wrinkled from age. The barber got a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and told the old man to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he'd finished, the old man told the barber it was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball. The barber replied, "You'd just have to bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

I was lost in Great Yarmouth, searching for the hospital after getting a call that a friend had been admitted while on a night out. After attempting to communicate with a native in the hope of directions it became clear the accent barrier was simply to vast. Slowly however we began to make some ground, "Big important building.... lots of people in pyjamas on medication". His wary nods became an understanding smile and I was directed immediately to Asda.

St George's day on Monday.......... Wish I was Irish so I could celebrate......