Sickipedia

I can't believe Amber Rudd got into trouble for calling Diane Abbott "coloured". What are you supposed to call them? It comes to something when you can no longer call a spade a spade.

Vapeman posted: I used to work as a janitor in a spaz house, all I ever did was clean shit up off the toilet floors. Anyway, one day a well dressed bloke saw me doing this, no idea who he was and he asked me if I enjoyed cleaning shit up all day. "You get used to it, the spaz's can't help it. " I told him. "Cool, how do you fancy being a mod on sickipedia?" he said. It just shows you that whilst you can't polish a turd, if you keep trying to clean it, you eventually leave nothing but fresh air. Congratulations!

Just a reminder that the clocks go back tomorrow morning. Except if you're a Muslim, then you need to kill yourself.

Mad Cow disease confirmed in Scotland. Nicola Sturgeon said to be coping well though.

Prince Philip has died after chocking on some food at Eugenie's wedding reception. It must be hard trying to eat with a silver spoon jammed in your mouth.

A bit early for a Christmas Panto, but I went to watch one today. This one was different though. All the guests were searching for the nigger and we were all shouting "she's behind you" and The Ugly sister called Eugenie managed to get married off to a bloke despite looking like a young clone of Prince Andrew

A 10 year old girl goes up to her mother and says "Mummy. I've got some blood coming from my frufru." "It's ok darling. It means you're growing up" her mum said "You need to start using something called a tampon to mop up the blood. It's shaped like a mans willy to help it slide in easily" Little girl says "Yes mummy. It started after Uncle Billy did that"

I've been selling my sperm to childless couples and a couple of lesbians paid me for some recently. After delivering it to them, I got an e-mail from them saying "You've delivered a pint!!!! How many times did you have to masturbate to do that? What were you thinking?" "I was thinking of you two" I said "and just the once."

My wife hates it when I mention her massive cunt. She says "My mum has a name you know"

I'm being stalked by this weird woman and it's quite scary. She takes my clothes off the line, watches me leave the house every time I go out and keeps sending me friends requests on Facebook. I wish I never married the bitch.