Sickipedia

Met a girl from Wales and smashed her back door in. New Quay? New lock, new fucking door, hinges - the lot. Nod to everyone posting this bollocks

Some black guy told me I needed to check my privilege. I was pretty fucking relieved upon checking that it was still there. I was worried he or one of his mates might have stolen it.

She can’t cook. The chips were so black, she immediately took the knee. After I punched her in the stomach.

Was gonna post a joke about Dwarfs but decided against it. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person.

Fathers Day tomorrow. Or Sunday 18th June if you’re black.

I’ve just text Philip Schofield to see if he wants to buy my car. It’s 15 years old and a good runner.

I was walking down the street - it had just started getting dark. I passed an old lady who noticed me and presumably through instinct she clutched her handbag tightly to her chest. I was really surprised. Surprised that she thought she could stop me from taking it with her boney frail Skeletor arms.

I have to say I was surprised to hear that Philip Schofield was married to a woman. He must really enjoy being a groom.

This year I’ve been told the kids would love new tablets for Christmas. I can’t wait to see their little faces when they open their Tramadol and Codiene.

I always pour whiskey on the rocks. Probably why no one buys drugs from me.