Sickipedia

Decided after a long while to register. I’ve been a long time user (I remember the old site). I always log on and have a read and was put off by the trolls. They now seem to be a minority, and good folks comments (notably Weaverdog) and their bonafide rib-ticklers are what make this site. I’ve decided to come out of the woodwork (not like a puff does from his wardrobe) and contribute. My jokes will be shit - but I can offer comments. It’s clear that this a community and the only way it will improve is if we all do our bit. If you log on to the site when you’re taking a shit at work, and aren’t a cunt - register and say something pleasant :)

I woke up this morning, wiped my eyes and turned to the wife: “You know I have the most unusual dreams?” She asked: “Yeah? Like what?” “One day I’d like to fuck a hedgehog” I replied.

Seann Walsh: “I’m not the person I’m being portrayed as.” I agree, describing him as a comedian is disgraceful.

So I’m in the pub and this guy starts trying to tell me how electricity is measured. I’m like, Watt?

Man in coma after dog rips off his genitals. Please tell me it was a cockerspaniel.

Yahoo News: The Rock in hot water over latest movie role. Imagine their faces when they realise he’s not a lobster.

My boss is always complaining about me cutting corners at work. It’s particularly confusing for me as I fit carpets.

🎶Who says no to Mentos?🎶 Diabetics.

The Doctor told me my child was on the autistic spectrum. Daft cunt, I thought. It’s called an iPad.

I was stopped this morning by a beggar. “Excuse me pal, any change?” he asked. “Sorry I’m afraid not. You’re still homeless.” I replied.