Sickipedia

FAQs on single-source double-mutant triple-helix Corona variant in India.... Q. Why curfew from 8pm to 7am? A. Due to rising temperatures with the onset of summer, Corona likes to step out when it gets cool. Hence the curfew. Q. Is it safe to attend religious places? A. Yes. Corona is afraid of religion and does not attack the lakhs who gather to pray to God. Q. Is it safe to attend political rallies? A. Absolutely. Corona is terrified of politicians, especially the ones who occupy the highest posts. Q. Why are only 20 people or less allowed at cremations? A. Cremations generate lot of heat, which weakens the virus. It tries to escape by jumping from one person to the other. Research has shown that a critical mass of 21 or more people ensures survival of the virus. Hence the restriction of 20. Q. Why are only 50 people or less allowed at weddings? A. Indian weddings generate lot of sound & light, which scares the virus. The virus requires a critical mass of 51 or more people to survive. Q. Why does Corona not attack crowded buses? A. The virus has mutated and acquired human qualities. It hates road traffic and avoids buses due to the longer commute. Hence crowded buses are safe. Q. Are local trains dangerous? A. Yes. Corona prefers trains due to the quick commute. Also, the virus enjoys the breeze when standing on the footboard. Q. Why does Corona not attack slum dwellers? A. Corona cannot stand the competition from malaria & TB and hence focuses on higher income flats. Q. Does lockdown help? A. Indeed it does. Corona hangs around outside the door, waiting for people to step out to pick the newspaper, get the milk, go outside etc. Hence lockdown protects you by ensuring you stay inside your home. Note that Corona never enters your home, it only stays outside. Stay home. Stay safe. Stay mad.

My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

What's the difference between George Best and Princess Diana's chauffeur? Best could take corners when he was pissed.

A bloke sees his ex-wife with her new lover and decides to wind him up so he shouts over "How's the second-hand pussy?" Quick as a flash, her lover replies "Great! After the first three inches, it's like brand new."

I've just given my wife Rohypnol. I don't want to shag her. I just want a bit of peace and fucking quiet.

Why would the holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic? Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.

Black people use hot sauce on everything because they have developed a taste for pepper spray.

"My first son has a PHD in arts, my daughter has two degrees in communication and jornalism and my youngest son is a burglar." Friend: "Wow a burglar? You should kick him out!" Dad: "Nah... he is the only one who makes money."

I started to get tired during sex the other day, so I asked the girl to get on top. To which she replied, "You haven't raped many girls before have you?"

Why don't Jew's eat pussy? Too close to the gas chamber.