Sickipedia

Chuck Norris once stole a seagulls chips.

I gave my wife a pair of odour eaters and she was quite offended, "Are you saying my feet smell?" She asked. "Not at all, " I replied, "they're for your knickers."

My welsh pal was bragging he'd had five sexual partners over a weekend, "Does that make me some kind of stud?" he asked. "No, it makes you a shepherd, " I replied.

My wife was complaining that the vac was making a terrible whining noise and wasn't sucking, "Any idea what's wrong with it?" she asked. "Yeah," I replied, "it probably got married. "

One Direction reunion tour. Tickets now reduced by twenty percent.

Kier Starmer walked into a bar, "Whisky please bartender." he asked. The bartender served him his whisky, "Excuse me, this has ice in it, I didn't want ice. " Said Starmer. "No, " replied the barman, "neither did the fucking pensioners. "

The Muslim backed Labour government has agreed to reinstall the death penalty, misdemeanors such as murder terrorist activities and kiddie rape will be ignored, however, call Starmer a cunt on social media and you're fucked big style.

Just been kicked out of the butchers. All I asked for was six small hostages.

I remember the Grenfell fire very well, I was at my desk, it was quiet and eerie. Fucking love working at the benefits claim office.

Use your red/green colour blindness to your advantage by becoming a cyclist.