Sickipedia

Can someone explain to me why the young women at the fraud department I have to speak to when there is a payment of £1,325.85p being paid to Amazon don't want to get to know me first, I tell them they can have my bank details after they have answered my security questions. A) What colour knickers are you wearing? B) How big are your tits? c) Do you take it up the shitter? It's usually at that point they hang up on me. Not fit to be in customer service fraud department if you ask me.

I love the way my nine year old son is preparing for adulthood and it's pitfalls. He spent all his money on a dolls house and gave it his little girlfriend next door saying, "Here you might as well have a house now instead of taking one off me in twenty years. "

I knew the tories were dumb but fuck me, they fell for an email from a Nigerian promising them riches if they made her leader.

love today when the clocks go back. It gives me an extra hour to fucking hate Starmer.

My granddad always said "what you don't know can’t hurt you” Yeah, right. That coming from an old twat who drowned because he didn't know how to swim.

Donald Trump: Now the proud owner of the worlds most expensive 'Get Out Of Jail Free' card.

Have you noticed whenever God throws a wobbler he always sends his Earthquakes and Tsunamis to the most poverty ridden disease infected shitholes on the planet. I would be very worried if I lived in Oldham, Burnley or Rochdale.

COLOMBIA: Put a 75% tariff on cocaine. That'll make Trump think twice.

I got a phone call from the BBC today querying my donation of six dozen condoms for children in need, "We don't feel this is an appropriate donation for the children, " the caller told me. "They're not for the kids, " I said, "they're for you lot at the BBC so you don't give them any STDs when you abuse them. "

"Well it's a lovely place nan, peaceful, plenty of open spaces and lots of beautiful flowers, do you think you'll like it when you move in permanently?" "Will you just fuck off you little bastard and let me visit your granddads grave in peace. "