Sickipedia

My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath... She's got a point, in future I'd probably best wait until she gets out.

I've just joined this site and I'm really confused... How come a shit joke I first heard in 1992 is at +60 and a really funny joke I've never heard before is at -5? ... and who the fuck is Hannah?

I was walking home drunk from my night out earlier, and I saw two blokes dressed in identical outfits, so I decided to take the piss... "Oi, you two bell-ends!" I shouted, whilst throwing my half-eaten kebab at them... "What the fuck are you dressed the same for, you pair of thundering twatsacks?".... and it was at this point that they arrested me.

I've just found out that the barber that lives on my street has been arrested for dealing cocaine. I was really shocked because I've been a customer of his for years... I didn't know he was also a barber!

Congratulations to Gordon Ramsay on his attempt to swear his way into convincing the nation to give up cocaine. Well, he's convinced me... ...to put in a few extra hours of work this week so I can afford a few extra lines at the weekend.

While I was walking home from the pub last night, I suddenly really needed a wee. Being the gentleman that I am, I would never relieve myself in the street, so I decided to run to the nearest public toilet. When I got there, I saw a Muslim gentleman laying in the urinal trough with his hair and clothes on fire. He was screaming in agony. Luckily enough, I managed to muster enough bladder control to run outside and get help... ...In the shape of a lamp-post.

I've just read an article that said in Zimbabwe you can pay the equivalent of £50 for a bag of sugar... And I thought MY cocaine dealer was a cheating cunt.

I got asked out by a really hot woman the other night. We went on a date to a posh restaurant and we got on really well, then she invited me back to her place... We sat on the sofa smiling at each other and got really close. Then I gently placed my hand on her knee and she leaned over to me and whispered in my ear: "You do not have to say anything, but it will harm your defence if you do not mention, when questioned, something that you later rely on in court....."

Genesis 1:31 ...and on the sixth day, god created flamingos because he was feeling a little bit gay.

My favourite chat-up line: Hi babe, I hope you've got pet insurance... ...cos I'm going to destroy your pussy.