Sickipedia

According to the news "Reading, writing and maths standard unmet by 39% of primary school pupils". How come peeple cant rite? Wazzup wiv dem? And if 39% cant do maffs, dat means only 75% can. And even I can do weeding. I have my own trowel.

A building burns, with smoke everywhere, and the residents all come out black. A rain storm in Cornwall, with showers everywhere and residents all come out white. Let's hope it keeps raining.

Children are starving all over Africa but, with our charity, for just £2 per month, it just takes 50,000 of you to pay the CEO's salary.

What's white and works?

Dear Ade Goodchild, Congratulations on winning £71 million in the lottery. I am your long lost brother (different father, different mother). As brothers always share everything, please send me half of the £71 million and I will send you half of my overdraft. Must go - they are about to draw the US lottery and I need to write to whoever my new brother or sister is.

BBC news: Gold toilet stolen in Blenheim Palace Burglary. Police have absolutely nothing to go on.

"Sickipedia is updating it's Privacy policy and user agreement" Possibly, but not its fucking grammar.

President Donald Trump has stated that it is now ok for one country to use aircraft to kill people in a foreign country. Finally Americans can stop moaning about 9/11.

I am reassured that everything is back to normal. Maddie McCann and police killing black people in the news.

The prime minister has just announced that zoos will be reopening. So we can all walk through the bat enclosure. Surely there can’t be any harm in that.