Sickipedia

Apparently, up until the age of ten, Sean Connery's son thought Humpty Dumpty shat on a wall

The wife just asked me whether I love her or football the most?... I said "Open your legs and I will show you"... ...So I nutmegged her.

If anything good comes out of global warming it will be that in a few years Dancing on Ice won't be on the fuckin TV...

Stevie Wonder -7 kids David Blunkett - 5 kids Ray Charles - 12 kids I think it's safe to say it's not wanking that makes you blind.

I was just waiting for my sister at Heathrow airport, as I saw her emerge in arrivals I shouted "Hi sis"... Fuck me, never seen as many armed police appear as quickly in my life!

Jesus didn’t pay for our sins with cash or credit He used praypal...

I've just broken the british record for holding your breath underwater - 8 minutes 42 seconds. It all started when a little girl in the swimming pool shouted "That's him, Daddy, over there!"

I said to the wife "Lets go out for dinner tonight".. She replied back with that old classic "I have nothing to wear".. ..so I said to her "Just put on what you wore last time we went out, you looked beautiful".. ..so there we were in the local steak house, me in a t-shirt and jeans and her in her fuckin wedding dress!

The man who invented the shelf. What a ledge!

Just seen a sign "Turkey £29" in the butchers window... ...That's £300 cheaper than Thomas Cook.