Sickipedia

Dear Mr Starmer, When we said we needed help making our money go further, we meant we wanted you to cap energy prices, we DIDN'T mean that we wanted you to make our money go further by sending it all the way to Ukraine. Yours sincerely, The British public.

Granddad's become addicted to Viagra and it's upsetting the whole family. Grandma's taking it especially hard.

I was going to spend two months backpacking around Kenya, but came back home after I got chased by a large mob of screaming black guys who were all waving machetes at me. I barely got away with my life. The most concerning part is that this happened in London before I'd even got on my flight.

All I'm saying is, maybe Pakistan would have got more global support for their war effort if they'd started by targeting all those groups of cold calling scammer cunts in India?

And low, Jesus did speak, "To celebrate my return to life..... erm....... Eat chocolate till you feel sick", and the amassed crowd did asketh, "Pray tell oh lord, what KIND of chocolate should we gorge ourselves upon?", to which Jesus replied "Pretty painted egg shaped ones....... from a RABBIT..... WHO'S CARRYING THEM IN A BASKET !!". It was then that the people did know that the lords LSD had finally kicked off, and they were in for one epically wild night....... Amen.

Female logic - "The rooms in our home look bleak and empty. I need to buy loads of pointless ornamental crap, then cover every horizontal surface I can find with it". Also female logic - "Oh? You've had a bad day at work? Big deal ! I've had to slog and slave all day dusting and cleaning all the pointless ornamental crap in every room of the house". Also ALSO female logic - "No, the things we both use multiple times every single day have to live hidden away in cupboards and draws, because there's not enough room for all of them to stay where they're used on the work tops because THAT'S where all our pointless ornamental crap has to be".

With the death of his father, I feel sorry for Ozzy Osbourne's son, Jack. Without his dad propping up his TV career, he'll be stacking shelves at Tesco within 6 months.

Me and the son were watching a documentary about the moon landing, and he said "I wish I could get shot into space", so I told him that if I'd not been drunk and forgot to pull out of his mum, he would have been.

What's a 6.9?.............. A good thing ruined by a period.

This current Doctor Who being Black isn't very realistic is it. I mean, how can he be a lord of all time when there's a three and a half hundred year "No go" period when he'd get lynched as soon as he was seen out in public without an owner ?