Sickipedia

This could be Liverpool's year

It won't be long before Celtic players are wanting to move on to bigger and better things... I heard one of their players has bought a place in Tamworth.

I took a Chinese bird out for a meal. As I got back to the table after ordering our meal, I sat down and said, "I can't believe how ignorant some people are. I just overheard Two blokes at the bar commenting how all oriental people look the same. Can you believe that?" "Nah, I can't." She replied, "but you're going to have to move out of that seat, my husband's only gone to the toilet."

It's been awkward having civilised conversations with women since I've had a pair of breasts tattooed on my forehead... I'm all like, "Errrrr, hello! My eye's are down here.."

I went for a job interview today, she asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience in a nutshell.." I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

I called into Jessops today to pick up some photos I'd taken of my wife naked. "Would you like the negatives?" Asked the guy as he handed me the package. "Yes please!" I replied. He said, "Your wife's got saggy tits and a fat arse."

Does anybody actually run sickipedia anymore? How does Hannah keep voting the jokes up and down?

I had sex with a four foot, fat bird, last night... I could deal with her weight issue, but the two extra feet were a bit off putting.

I had that awkward, 'How come your willy is so much bigger than mine?' Conversation with my son in the bathroom this morning... He said, "I don't know, dad, I'm only three."

Police are appealing for any information regarding missing teenager, Ruth Tyles... I'm betting some gypos took her.