Sickipedia

What's the difference between a public toilet in Pakistan and every single table in my local Burger King restaurant? The public toilet in Pakistan has been cleaned once in the last 2 years.

I bought some fake L'Oreal Elvive shampoo from Aldi earlier. Because I'm not worth it.

Why don't people in Coronation Street ever look at the TV magazines in the newsagents to find out what is going to happen to them next week?

My boss called me in the office this morning and said that he thought I was very childish. I told him that of he ever said that again I would tell my mom.

My wife has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. It has completely changed our lives. Her handjobs have never been so good!!!

Old McDonald had Tourettes E I E I Cunt

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day Give a man a packet of Walkers crisps and he will eat for 10 seconds

Old McDonald has just died... ...so there is no need for anybody to post any more shit jokes about him

To me it seems funny that everybody is getting excited about this year's Black Friday. In our family we celebrate Black Friday every Friday. It's the one day of the week that the wife does the cooking.

I love the Pizza Hut buffet: First, you have to go and find your own glass. Then you go and make your own drink. Next you have to find your own plate. And then go and pick up your own food. Then, when you finally get to pay you are asked by the card machine if you want to pay a tip to the waitress who has done fuck all for the whole time you were there. Brilliant.