Sickipedia

I bought my Italian boss a present .... A tie with a large eye printed on it .... And that my friends, is how you do subtle racism.

Saw this incredible girl at the pub last night. Looked at her and instantly she made me rock hard. Last fucking time I visit Medusa’s Bar.

The Germans are out of the world cup Don’t mention the VAR

'Father and son both die in fishing tragedy as bodies pulled from river.' May cod have mercy upon their sole.

What do you call a duck without a bill? A responsible and up to date payer of financial demands.

Apparently, ‘Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus’ means ‘Happy St David’s Day’ in Wales. Who knew the Welsh were dyslexic?

This is the last, honest .... Meghan Markle’s mum best friend Anna has apparently been stopped going to the Royal wedding as a security risk. The police have had to .... Ban Anna

I’ve got a job where I can proudly hold my head up at the end of the day. I’m an executioner for ISIS.

In the States recently I saw Dave Gilmour from Pink Floyd in a shopping centre. So I went up to him and slapped his bald head. He took exception to this and told me, “You’re just another prick in the mall.”

The wife has told me I’ve got shit for Brains. That’s the last time I allow her to sell any of my Thunderbirds collectables on eBay.