Sickipedia

Liverpool, the city for ever in mourning, have announced that all sales of football shirts from now on, will have a permanent black arm band attached to them-to save time.

A man has recently driven his transit van into a group of black people causing serious injury. So I brought a t-shirt, Black Lives Splatter.

So Ellie Goldstein will be on Strictly Come Dancing. It's comforting to know that even Jimmy Savile in his heyday wouldn't have gone near her.

I see that Sharon Osborne backs a call to name an airport after her late husband, Ozzy. Imagine being on a plane, about to land and the Captain announcing, "Welcome to Wanker Airport"

At school, Miss Laneous was a mystery to me.

At school Candy was such a sweet girl . (You should see her now though)

She love's her new 3- piece settee. Sofa, so good.

What does Strictly Come Dancing and the Salvation Army have in common? They both take in strays and waifs.

King Charles recent visit to hospital again has prompted his son, Prince William to visit the Royal Mint for an urgent sitting for new coins. What does he know that we don't?

I got on a bus yesterday and the driver said, "Fares please" I said, "I want a wank" He said again, "Fares please" I said, "I want a wank" So he tossed me off at the next stop!