Sickipedia

Women in business used to look up at the glass ceiling while being shagged by their boss. Now they look down at the glass ceiling while being shagged up the arse by their boss's boss.

Stephen Hawking was never a dead man walking.

Ken Dodd Joke; Although men have hairy faces, on the whole, women have more hair.

If every gun in America was used just once to kill an American, there would be no Americans. Hooray. Just a few native Indians with their bows and arrows would be left. And then a load of immigrants would cross the Atlantic and call themselves Americans and arm themselves with guns to shoot the native Indians and any Mexican bandits crossing the border. And then those who want slaves would start shooting those who wanted to free slaves. And then making guns is such a good business, they start selling them to anyone who wants to shoot a rabbit or those they hate. Immigrants and their hatred. That's your problem America. I'm staying in England where we don't have a problem with immigrants and their hate. I can see a Muslim street corner bookshop full of students learning what is right and how to pack a rucksack.

Feeding my family at KFC was a joke. I split my sides laughing.

Great way to improve your eyesight. Shag a girl on Friday night. Then look at her again on Saturday morning.

What the K*FC is going on!

Scousers, seek compensation for Welsh earthquake. Not your fault. Then make a claim.

What should you do if you meet someone with Parkinson's? Shake hands.

Scousers. For fags, booze and season tickets, there's child benefit. For everything else, there's someone else's MasterCard.