Sickipedia

I wonder if any butterflies have tattoos of slags on their backs?

How many animals got wanked off before farmers realised you could only milk some of them?

Sorry, but I think we need to stop all the jokes about Serena Williams. I know they are funny but they're also hurtful and to be fair, he seems like a really nice bloke in interviews and stuff.

How come we need to buy tickets to psychic events? Surely they already know who is coming.

An Essex girl gets knocked off her bike and takes a nasty whack to the head. A paramedic rushes over to check her for injuries. "How many fingers have I got up?" She suddenly bursts into tears. "Fuck me, I'm a paralysed from the waist down, I can't feel any"

I organised a threesome the other day. There were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time.

When I was a boy we didn't have things like ADHD. We just called them council house kids.

I want to buy a race horse and call him "careful, there's a nigger on the track" The commentary would be awesome.

I went to complain to my local MP about his immigration policy today. "My brother and his wife were kidnapped by Somalian pirates" "That's awful" he said " but I don't see what that has to do with our immigration policy" "Really?" I replied. "They were on Basildon boating lake at the time"

I used to think it was romantic to see a lovers name carved into a tree. Then I started to wonder why so many people takes knives on a date.