Sickipedia

Dire Straits are looking for an agent in the Middle East. They should check out Qatar George... He knows all the Kurds.

It's a little known fact that the writer of "Winnie the Pooh", A.A.Milne, had a smaller brother called A.A.A Milne.

My wife told me to dispose of my red hot chilli peppers memorabilia. She made me give it away, give it away, give it away now...

Autocorrect really is my worst enema. Texted a mate earlier asking if he wanted to go for a wank down by the river. I meant the canal!

On average most men have sex 3 to 4 times a week except for Eskimos they're lucky if they have it twice a year. This news is distressing and came as somewhat of a shock to me as I had no idea I was an Eskimo.

TV presenter Richard Madeley has said people who sent "sick rape threats" to his daughter via Twitter are in "deep trouble". He is going to find out where they live and post them naked photos of Judy.

Roman numerals? Not on my watch.

I saw a poor old lady slip on the ice this morning and knock herself out... I assume she was poor because she only had 48 pence in her purse...

Breaking news: Man killed by Steamroller. Police not sure what happened as evidence is thin on the ground.

I made my wife a Caesar salad last night...... The dog was really pissed off though as it was his last tin!!..