Sickipedia

Declan Rice would do well to keep his girlfriend. I doubt he could keep her away from Kevin Lasagna, Patrick Berger, Nacho, Koke or a packet of Sergio Busquets.

I agree with Keir Starmer that female genitalia doesn't only relate to women. For example, he is a man, and he is a cunt.

After being shot a few weeks ago, Sasha Johnson now has 5% brain capacity, a vocabulary of ten words and an IQ of 25. "God closes a door and opens a window" said her mother. "She's now a shoe-in for Black Brain of Britain"

I'm so fed up of people calling Chelsea a racist club. Petr Cech took a knee against Reading way back in 2006.

I'm fed up of how partisan American politics has become, and how Trump gets attacked for doing things that Democrat politicians did as well. Nobody made a fuss when JFK didn't attend his successor's inauguration.

There's been some confusion about the identity of the woman who threw a milkshake at Farage. Shockingly, there may be more than one satsuma-sprayed, piss-bleached, baboon arse-lipped, plastic-faced slapper in Essex.

I can't believe people still say black people can't get good jobs in Europe! Malcolm X's son Frederick is now King of Denmark!

The National Theatre of Scotland has banned the word "spooky" in case somebody finds it racist. Don't snigger, you can't call a spade a spade nowadays because people are so niggardly with which words they allow, somebody ought to crack the whip to stop them monkeying around.

Apparently throwing a paddy because you're not winning, then quitting a team who spent four years practicing and flew all the way to Japan, means you're a stunning brave superhuman role model. Looks like we all owe Roy Keane an apology for what we said in 2002.

Batley "blasphemy" scandal. Currently the second worst thing to come from a gang of smelly, beardy Paki men hanging around the gates of a secondary school in Yorkshire.