Sickipedia

July is the best month because it sounds pretty close to jew-lie, and is therefore more honest than any other month.

I just saw Warwick Davis crying, so I tried to talk to him but I called him the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.

A Glaswegian lad decides to take his new girlfriend to meet his parents. He says "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up and shouts "It's a fecking what?"

I was at a party with my wife.... “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?” she asked. “Why should it?” I answered, “I keep telling them it’s for you.”

Just watching a shifty looking geezer in the library searching intently through ths 'S' section of the dictionary, he's stopped now. I think he's up to something.

"I've got some good news and I've got some bad news," I told my wife. "Haha, I thought you said 'Jews' just then," she laughed. "That's ridiculous," I said. "Why would there be good Jews?"

I have a list written out of every jewish joke I've ever made. I call it my enkikelopedia.

I've heard seven cancer jokes about King Charles today. If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.

Vinegar is my favorite condiment. I don't like the taste very much, but I do like saying the "vi" part softly and the rest much more forcefully so it sounds like something else.

My gym has asked me to please stop taping "Whites Only" and "Coloureds" signs on their 2 drinking fountains. They said it was funny the first 6 times, but now it's causing some problems with other members.