Sickipedia

I bet the white supremacists are browned off with all this sunshine!

The medics won't tell you this, but cocaine cures depression. Since my wife overdosed on the shit I've never been happier.

I came from a broken home. In fairness my parents kicked me out because I kept breaking everything.

FOX News: Mike Tyson is to open his own cannabis plantation in California. After 3 minutes, I was sat on a stool in the corner, face cut and swollen, with a guy wafting a towel and spraying water at me, shouting in my face that I was gonna be ok. I felt battered to be honest.

I needed some hefty gardening work done, so went with a national company that advertised 'branches everywhere' They made a right fucking mess.

I'm making myself a Swiss Army Wife. She's got a corkscrew and a bread knife in her at the moment.

To the guy who just stole my 'Pickpocket Of The Year' trophy. I hope you're proud of yourself.

My mate did his Masters at Cambridge. He wasn't very clever, he just gave a good blowjob.

People complained when KFC made all their products halal, and now they're at it again. I don't know how they're going to react to Koran On The Cob.

I've just come back from holiday in Cuba with stomach problems. Doctors think it might be Castro-entiritus.