Sickipedia

My friend has two children: One has learning difficulties and the other has bulimia. As a family they've really been through thick and thin.

When under stress I frequently make silly identity errors when it comes to black people. For example the other day I confused Lenny Henry with Trevor McDonald. I just need to stop getting my niggers in a twist.

In the our local supermarket a little old Irish man decided to pay for his shopping in 1 pence coins. It took ages and my mate got so angry at having to wait that he picked the guy up and hurled him out of the window. Ok, so he was frustrated, but that’s still no reason to throw a paddy.

My friend had such a small penis that he was given the nickname: ‘Justin Beaver’

My friend asked me: "Where can I purchase products made by that company founded by Prince Charles?" I said: "If you walk into your local Waitrose and proceed along the central aisle you'll pass the Duchy on the left hand side"

Made a complete fool of myself at the pub quiz night. The question: ‘Which famous Castle was destroyed by smoke in the early 90s?’ I proudly jumped in with ‘Windsor!’ Turned out that the correct answer was ‘Roy’

Made a fool of myself at the pub quiz night. One of the questions was: ‘Where do women have their hair short and curly?’ Turns out that the correct answer is: Nigeria

Tried to teach the cat to operate the DVD Player. So far it can only manage paws.

My friend lost their job in digital media after coming out as non-binary.

Two areas of blanket fog were in discussion: One said to the other - “I’m denser than you are” The other replied: “True, but I have two wives and that makes me a bigger mist”