Sickipedia

Boris Johnson: I owe them my life. NHS: You owe us £350 million a week.

Virgin on the ridiculous

I was putting on my watch this morning and the strap broke. I put on my shirt and a button fell of it. I've been too scared to go for a pee all day... (Bob Monkhouse, I think)

Your plane is nearly ready Prime Hypocrite...

As soon as the women replaced the battery units in the International Space Station the strange vibrating noise from the sleeping quarters started up again...

Branson talks about wanting a million pound bailout. Virgin on the ridiculous.

It's....! ... Monty Python's Dying Circus!

For Sale: Gents trouser belt made of plaited herbs. No thyme waisters, please.

Unemployed member of the working class: Go to JobCentre to fill in a stack of forms. Be made to feel a scrounger by society. Don't dare turn up 5 minutes late for your two-weekly interrogation as to why you haven't got a job yet or risk losing your sub-cost of living allowance. Repeat. Soon to be unemployed politicians: Voluntarily throw yourself out of a job. Come round to peoples' houses *once* begging to keep a job we are not even certain you have been doing. Don't see your constituents again for another four years. Repeat. For information: The basic annual salary for an MP from 1 April 2019 is £79,468. Laughing yet?

Richard: I haven't got money lying around you know. I reinvested it in the business. Us: So you reinvested the money you would have paid in tax, for example? R: Yes. U: Where exactly? R: In the business. U: Which business? R: THE business... Virgin. U: Why? R: To make more money for m... Oh, I see where you're going with this. U: Richard, why not let HMRC rather than YOU decide where to invest the money, like WE all have to? R: Erm... I can offer you an extra 10 free texts per month... would that help?