Sickipedia

11 years to the day...... It looks like there's going to be an overdose of Amy Winehouse jokes today.

The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day... Apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired..............!!!

I've found a job helping a one-armed typist do capital letters...... It's shift work.

Political anagrams Labour Party = Royal pub rat The Conservatives = Cretins have votes Liberal Democrats = A terrible old scam The Green Party = The energy trap The British National Party = Inhabitants pray to Hitler The UKIP = Hit puke Monster Raving Loonies = More or less innovating I know who's getting my vote.

BREAKING: The UK economy has shrunk by the largest margin since 1709.... This means it's totally unfair to describe Boris Johnson as the worst prime minister ever. He is only the worst prime minister in 313 years!

Ellen White and now Jill Scott retired from England Women's Football team. At least the blokes give up before they've won a competition.

I knocked on my next-door neighbour's door and handed him a huge bag of dog shit from my garden. I said, "There you go mate, that's the £50 reward please." He said, "What's this?" I said, "It's your missing cat."

I bought a book today called "Strange Coincidences". When I got home I found that I already had a copy.... Weird!

Just read on the BBC website: Putin may have slipped into Jordan..... Has that woman no shame?

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th-grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says. Little Johnny raises his hand. "I had a cat who stuttered Miss," he volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked young Johnny to describe the incident. "Well," he began, "I was in the back yard ...with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard! "Gosh. That must've been scary," said the teacher. "It sure was!" said Johnny. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'... and before he could say "F*ck", the Rottweiler ate him!"