Sickipedia

Teacher tells class "make a sentence using the word dough". Little Jane raises her hand: "In Italy they make pizza using special dough". "Very good" says teacher. Little Mary raises her hand: "My brother makes dinosaurs out of . . . play dough". "Excellent" says teacher. Little Jonny raises his hand: "Our mum says dad is a shit shag so she has to use her dill dough!"

My daughter's hamster escaped from its cage last night so I spent 8 f'kin hours looking for it... No luck though, he definitely wasn't in the pub.

The doctor asked me “Do you experience any signs of paranoia?” I said “No. Why? Who told you to ask that??”

I think one of my Dads is gay?

They reckon Mike Mosley died of natural causes.... Covid.

As chairman of the Blind Society, I was accused of needlessly wasting money. So I arranged a big fireworks display to cheer everyone up.

How do you know if your girlfriend, is taking steroids? When she flips you over and fucks you up the arse with her clitoris!

These fat chicks need to lighten up a bit.

What's the difference between Abdul Ezedi, needles and haystacks?.. The police flying eye can spot a haystack.

My wife said she's leaving me because of my obsession with the Internet. Worse than that my son Google agrees with her.