Sickipedia

Liverpool’s manager has resigned and he’s taking his family home to Germany later on Yes, the Klopps go back tonight.

“What’s your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me. "Wayne." I said. "And your last name?" he continued. "It's always been Wayne." I said.

When I die I want my internet search history to be read out at my funeral. That way all my friends and family will go from being depressed to disgusted.

My Dad’s motto through life was "Always leave them wanting more." Great man. Terrible anaesthetist.

I went to the cinema yesterday. When the film started a group of youngsters in the first couple of rows started moving about and the guy next to me shouted "Down at the front!!" I turned to him and said "There’s no need to point out the disabled kid.”

Last night a gunman burst into the Celebrity Big Brother house and killed everyone. Victims are yet to be identified.

Blimey, that was close. I just fell down the stairs whilst carrying my 2 year old daughter. Luckily, instinct took over, and I managed to position her in such a way that I didn't get hurt at all.

Had a fancy dress party last night and the theme was "Hollywood Action Characters" I woke up this morning with a sore arse after being forced to have gay sex for 2 hours. I suppose it's my own fault for inviting Jack Reacher round.

My wife left me because of my obsession with the band ‘Supertramp’ I’ve now met someone else. Take a look at my girlfriend.

I bought a raffle ticket the other night. I won bugger all. I love the raffles at our swingers club.