Sickipedia

Clothes tell you a lot about a person, for example: If they’re wearing a sun vest, they love the outdoors If they’re wearing a gym vest, they love to show off And if they’re wearing a suicide vest, they must be Muslim

I have a rich friend whose helicopter is rather impressive I wish I had a cock like his

I walked outside to find a bird had shat on my car. In retaliation, I filled the bird bath with my piss.

Labour UK to “keep options open” as Trump tariffs kick in They also want to “keep the borders open” “keep the hotels open” and “keep the door at the Taylor swift dance class open”

I was walking along when I saw a small elderly lady waiting to cross the street and a gang of troublesome youths screaming abuse at her. “Why don’t you just fuck off!” I shouted At the old lady

I’m not bragging but I made the wife scream last night in bed I farted and accidentally shit on her

President Trump has just purchased a Tesla from Elon Musk and had it delivered to the White House I hope the delivery guy remembered to wear a suit and say thank you

The JFK files have been released and it was revealed that his wife thought she was the one that killed him The file read: “I was in the back of the car giving him a handjob and just as he nutted, his fucking head exploded”

All my friend does is lay in bed and sleep all day Well, I shouldn’t say it like that, he’s in a coma

My boss fired me for something I never did Showing up on time