Sickipedia

1 out of 10 people hates gang rape.

Rúben Amorim caused damage to a big screen TV in Manchester United's dressing room after their Brighton defeat. I bet that got a good reception. I hope he managed to switch off afterwards. He needed to channel his energy. He probably felt remote. I wonder if he felt like a knob. He seems tuned in.

Spurs were cruising in their Europa League semi-final first leg, until FK Bodø scored to give themselves a Glimtpse of hope for the return fixture.

My wife asked me what was wrong with my eyes. I said, "They water when I run out of beer."

Son: "Mum...who's my dad?" Bonnie Blue: "Watch this video and take your pick."

Daniel Leavey loses his spurs.

I've been waiting for months for our skint council to repaint my home. I painted a huge St. George's Cross on both the front and back of the house. The council have just finished repainting my home.

I mixed a Zinger Fillet Burger with a Filet-O-Fish. It looked like a cunt, smelled like a cunt and it predictably had the taste of a cunt.

An Oasis fan died at a Wembley Stadium show. He fell onto a wonderwall. There were so many tiers.

Top tip... Motorcyclists. Carry a metre square piece of rubber mat under your arm while riding. In the event of an accident, simply throw it on the floor for you to land on.