Sickipedia

My wife said she is going to leave me because I'm too kinky in the bedroom. I almost spat her piss out when she told me.

Will you be my Valentine, And let me have some fun, A cheeky bit of finger pie, Or a sausage up the bum. I promise I won't tell a soul, Or repeat a word that's said, Anything that's done tonight, Can stay inside your head. We've known each other for many years, We've worn each others clothes, We've kissed and hugged and got aroused, So neither of us froze. You know the time is right for us, We really are complete, The excitement turns me on so much, Every time we meet. You really are so beautiful, You look just like your mother, I really hope you love me too, From William, your brother.

Jonathon Ross is to sing Mistletoe and Wine as a charity Christmas song. The P.C brigade are dreading the bit where he puts logs on the fire.

How do you get into a Fray Bentos pie without a can opener? Give it to Prince Andrew and tell him it's 15 years old.

Fairplay, the weather is shit here. It has been raining longer than Prince Charles mother and the temperature has been in the 15's nearly as much as his brother.

So Katie price has had a car crash while drink driving. It's not the first time her back doors have been smashed in after a gin and tonic.

Good carpenter required to repair an old cabinet. Send your C.V to 10 Downing street.

MY EX - " I've moved on from a boy to a man." ME - " That's quite some transition, did you use steroids?"

Top New Zealand quote of the year........" Shoot up the mosque and get me some flip flops"!

2 Old ladies sat in a bingo hall. Ethel says to Lizzie "Did you come on the bus"? Lizzie replies,"No, the fucking driver didn't go over enough speed bumps, so I just got a little damp".