Sickipedia

It's often wondered what women really look for in a man. I think it's security. Well that's what they always shout when I approach them.

My wife said, "The women's Euros is on, are you watching it or coming shopping with me. " Sent from my iphone in Asda.

Congratulations to Liverpool on winning the premiership, well except Jota of course, he had a car crash of a season.

It's easier to buy a gun in America than it is to log on to Pornhub in the UK.

Marriage is like prison but with less sex.

We were watching a film on the telly when all of a sudden the bloke lifts the woman onto the kitchen top and starts to make love to her, "Yeah, right, " said the wife, " as if that happens. " "I totally agree, " I replied, "the only thing that gets fucked in our kitchen is the food. "

GOVERNMENT: Now you have plans to raise retirement age to 75, why not lower school leaving age to 10? These chimneys don't sweep themselves you know.

Abdul and myself were walking past a school when an absolute stunning young girl around 14 came out of the gate, she has everything, huge tits, long dark hair, a voluptuous arse and a beauty of a natural Spanish senorita. "Fuck me, " said Abdul, "I'll bet she was fit when she was younger. "

Micheal Stipe was shown photographs of him having sex with a gay medical examiner, "Yeah, " he said, "that's me in the coroner. "

To whoever stabbed that fucking nonce Watkins, just to let you know Abdul next door to me fucks kids, and Mohammed on the other side does as well. When you get out, I can supply you with work for years.