Sickipedia

My son's music teacher called me up and said looks like we have a new Elvis on our hands. I said wow is he that good? She said no we just found him dead on the toilet

Went into a library and asked for the new Nigel farage book on imigrants. She started shouting "we don't like your sorts here, get out and stay out". I said yes that's the one

If you ask me solar power is the way forward. But it won't happen overnight

Got called in to hr at work for saying I heard the new girl looked like one of the monkees And then i saw her race Credit to whoever started these. Not the best but a work in progress.

I think we should start saying "crystallized water formation" as it offends me when people use the word snowflake

I hate double standards today, banksy can draw on what ever wall he likes and that's art, yet I spray paint nonce on my neighbours door and suddenly I'm the criminal.

I was looking to buy a lighthouse although I'm hoping for nothing too flashy

Just wanked over my mum. Not the best way to find out she also goes dogging

Just woke up with jizz on my face. I wouldn't mind so much but I live alone

"2 gay men hit with bottles by Asian men in homophobic attack" Bloody foreigners coming over here and stealing our jobs