Sickipedia

The singer Cliff Richard has been suffering from much online abuse since the court case He’s got himself some spying, talking, tweeting, stalking, living trolls

I saw this girl crying in the pub so I went up to her and asked what was wrong. "I split up with my boyfriend because he's a sexist pig." "I'm a great listener if you want to tell me more." I replied. "But you don't even know me," She cried, "why would you want to listen to me?" "Because you have massive tits."

There's been accusation of someone throwing rubbish onto the pitch at Manchester United. A Mr Mourinho is due in court in the morning

The credit card application asked if I had "Other Income." So I put down, "I get a weekly wage from selling cocaine" Got turned down

Marriage....because your shitty day doesn't have to end after work.

Ok lads get down to your local lidl They've go 3 for 2 on cod and chicken thighs Chicken thighs give me a steaming hardon

Can you spare just £2 ? Mohammed is a Muslim man living in Pakistan. He has one arm, one leg and one eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles for water along a narrow road on a rusty old bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us £2 we will send you the DVD...It's funny as fuck.

Not long to Christmas now. I fucking hate Christmas. Whoever invented it should be crucified.

Sometimes you just cant win i thought i would be a gentleman and hold the door open for a young lady 2 mins later she said " will you Fuck off i am trying to have a shit"

The only songs you're allowed to sing at my local church are 'Anyone Who Had a Heart' and 'Big Spender'. I think the priest accidentally took a vow of Cilla Bassey.