Sickipedia

Of course size matters. You don't see many girls wanking themselves off with a cocktail sausage.

I went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said "Sixty quid" I said"that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it" She said "Tight Arse!" I said "Oh ...go on then"

My memes pics i've posted on Sickipedia have seen as much action as the Brexit withdrawal agreement.... Fucking None!

I rang my girlfriend up and said "Surprise, I'm coming to get you and take you up the aisle" Don't know what she was expecting, but she looks a right Twat in a wedding dress pushing a shopping trolley around Asda!

A single kind word or a photo of your Boobs can make someones day!

Three mates outside a brothel one enters returns 5 mins later with a big smile his mates ask “What was it like and how much?” “A beautiful girl fantastic for 30 quid she put a pineapple ring on it and sucked it off amazing “ Second one went in and 10 minutes later he came outside with a big smile “50 quid two pineapple rings she sucked and licked it off absolutely amazing” he said Third chap goes in and he was offered the 30 50 or the special for 100 quid “I’ll have the special” he said. 30 mins later he came out looking depressed “did you have the 30 or 50?” His mates said “No i had the special for 100 quid She put two pineapple rings on it a dollop of ice cream and a cherry on the top” he said “Wow did she lick and suck it off” they said. No he said It looked so nice i ate it myself

Sarah Thomas swam The English channel four times Bah! instant fame my arse! I swam to Calais then back to Dover then back to Calais without any rest 25 years ago. When asked why i told them i forgot my passport!

Due to the current situation I hate raisins

A man finished his pint and Said "see you barman i'm off home now i need a good shit" "why go home?" Quizzed the Barman."We have just revamped our toilets carpeted and heated its home from home in fact my wife's put loads of little finishing touches in there to make our customers feel homely" "I'd rather not i have a slight problem barman i have to take salts" the man said. "look i insist i wont hear of it you must use our toilets please" said the barman. The barman had insisted so the man obliged and used the toilet. 5 mins after the man returned from the toilet the barman's wife was screaming with rage "Who the fucking hell's been in this toilet there's shit everywhere on the seat the walls the carpets and even the fucking lampshade?"said the barman's wife. The barman asked the man "what kind of salts do you take anyway?" "Somersaults" he replied

Corona virtus has fucked me over!