Sickipedia

A man finished his pint and Said "see you barman i'm off home now i need a good shit" "why go home?" Quizzed the Barman."We have just revamped our toilets carpeted and heated its home from home in fact my wife's put loads of little finishing touches in there to make our customers feel homely" "I'd rather not i have a slight problem barman i have to take salts" the man said. "look i insist i wont hear of it you must use our toilets please" said the barman. The barman had insisted so the man obliged and used the toilet. 5 mins after the man returned from the toilet the barman's wife was screaming with rage "Who the fucking hell's been in this toilet there's shit everywhere on the seat the walls the carpets and even the fucking lampshade?"said the barman's wife. The barman asked the man "what kind of salts do you take anyway?" "Somersaults" he replied

Quasimod is walking down the street with a lump in his pocket and is spotted by the local drug squad. Police officer "What's that lump in your pocket Quassy heroin hashish opium?" Qausomodo "No! No! No! It's a photograph of our kid"

I'm not a psychiatrist but i could talk about asphyxiation until I"m blue in the face

Another hot night and I forgot to switch my fan on last night in the bedroom I woke up this morning wet through Yes I'd pissed the bed again!

I was well pissed last night i shouldn't have drove my car,I was speeding and i hit two black men on a zebra crossing. One of them was flung in the air and landed twenty five yards away, the other cheeky fucker came through my windscreen and sat next to me! Thank fuck my uncle Dave was the only police officer on duty and first on the scene. "Don't worry lad" he said "I'll do that black fucker up the road for leaving the scene of the accident and the other black bastard for breaking and entering" Love my Uncle Dave hic!

Due to the current situation I hate raisins

Got Him!

A single kind word or a photo of your Boobs can make someones day!

No Sex!

Noisy