Sickipedia

What do black people and bikes have in common? They don't work if you take the chains off.

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

Don't bother sending your children's toys to Africa. Can you imagine how depressing it must be for those kids to receive a Tamagotchi that's going to outlive them?

Pepsi: We made the biggest PR blunder of the year. United Airline : Hold my beer.

Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated... "Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".

I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said 'A divorce.' I said 'And something less expensive?'

What do you call a person without a son? Per

If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested you or you're level 99 friend-zoned. Or she hasn't spotted you behind the tree yet.

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson "And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Larry's whore"

Social Media is awesome. Within an hour prince Philip had died and been resurrected. Damn that's good. Took Jesus three days.