Sickipedia

So me and my wife have just had a baby and all we have done is argue about what to call it. She wants it to be named after her mother, but I just don't feel comfortable having a child called Cunt.

I've just read that they'll be prosecuting the man who urinated on PC Keith Palmer's memorial. #PlaqueLivesMatter

"You can't have your cake and eat it!" My dad would always say. Brilliant dad, shit bakery shop owner.

BREAKING NEWS - Wales First Minister Mark Drakeford's wife dies suddenly. Proving that someone can actually bore you to death.

I find it ironic that when you get something stuck in your eye, you can't see what it is.

Never mind the "soap awards", if Phillip Schofield's boyfriends get any younger, he will end up in prison hosting the "Don't drop the soap awards"

What do you call a Chinese man, with 1 leg shorter than the other? Rob Ling.

"Danger?! That's my middle name!" - Amanda N. Gervais

I saw a really nice necklace to buy my wife for her birthday, but forgot to buy it in time. Obviously she went mad at me and was really upset that I forgot to buy her anything, I said - " Come on babe, don't be sad, what's that saying? It's the thought that counts? " That just made things worst though. She ranted on and on about how a thought means nothing without an action. " That's good then " I said, " You won't mind me thinking about your sister the next time we have sex then will you? "

My wife always told me I was mad for wanting to build a car out of pasta. You should have seen her face when I told her about a joke I read on the old sickipedia site.