Sickipedia

So, we can expect a black James Bond. Bet he'll be good with a knife.

Fucking government, first they take my grans winter fuel payment, now they're cutting her PIP, next they'll suspend the triple lock eventually making her pension worthless. At this rate when she croaks they'll be fuck all left for me.

Congratulations to the sperm that impregnated Bonnie Blue. That must've been some fucking race.

I put my little girl a nice vegan meal of salad and reconstituted crushed nuts shaped into a little daisy shape but she just looked at it. "Come on sweetheart, " I said, "there are children all over the world who are starving and won't eat anything today. " She looked at me with sorrow and said, "Well send them this fucking shit then. "

All prepubescent girls in Pakistan are praying like fuck that their husbands will fuck to war and get killed.

"We've a mouse in the house, " said my wife,"you'll need to get an exterminator out. "Fuck that they cost a fortune, " I replied, "stick a piece of cheese up your fanny, we'll freeze the bastard to death. "

Women are like teabags. Once used they lose all their flavour and expand to a useless mess that need throwing away.

I was looking at the sky and said to my missus, "I can see Uranus from here. " With that she jumped out of her chair and chinned me in the street.

Fuck, I missed the Eurovision song contest last night. That's 69 years on the trop now.

Must be funny as fuck when you get off your head on coke and then burn all your election promises.