Sickipedia

Fuck, I missed the Eurovision song contest last night. That's 69 years on the trop now.

I put my little girl a nice vegan meal of salad and reconstituted crushed nuts shaped into a little daisy shape but she just looked at it. "Come on sweetheart, " I said, "there are children all over the world who are starving and won't eat anything today. " She looked at me with sorrow and said, "Well send them this fucking shit then. "

Must be funny as fuck when you get off your head on coke and then burn all your election promises.

I think the winner of the Pakistan/India conflict will be whoever drops bath bombs first.

I can just hear the cries in India after the Pakistani strikes. "They killed my naan"

All prepubescent girls in Pakistan are praying like fuck that their husbands will fuck to war and get killed.

Just been to the post office and was told to remove my crash helmet for security reasons. I was fucking fuming. So I went back wearing a burka to prove a point. Fifteen grand I got away with after the pensioners stopped trying to post letters in me.

Terror and panic as the power failed in Spain today. France surrendered.

This stuck up doctor was bragging about spending five years at university studying medicine to become a doctor. "Wow, " I said to her, "what a coincidence, that's the same amount of time I spent waiting for my last fucking appointment. "

"We've a mouse in the house, " said my wife,"you'll need to get an exterminator out. "Fuck that they cost a fortune, " I replied, "stick a piece of cheese up your fanny, we'll freeze the bastard to death. "