Sickipedia

Last time I went to the movies I was thrown out for bringing my own food. My argument was that the concession stand prices are outrageous. Besides, I haven't had a barbecue in a long time.

I've recently converted two rooms in our house into one. We now have a 22 foot ceiling in our living room.

Mick stops Paddy in Dublin and asks him for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car? Mick replies: "I'm In my car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy

A young executive is working late one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 PM he sees the Big Boss standing by the shredder in the hallway with a piece of paper in his hand. "Do you know how to work this thing?" the older man asks. "My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it."  "Yes, sir," says the young executive, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the other man, and feeds it in.  "Now," says his boss, "I just need the one copy."

So many people shouted "cheat" at me during last weekends charity fun run. I was so shocked I almost fell off my bicycle.

On the eve of our anniversary my wife and I agreed that whoever woke up first in the morning should wake the other one with oral sex. Come the morning I was up first so I slowly pulled back the covers... ... and stuck my cock in her mouth.

Last night, thieves broke into my grandma's home and stole 4 boxes of Temazepam. I know how these bastards sleep at night.

My local pub has announced £100 prize for the best Halloween outfit. My wife won it last year. She wasn't too happy though. She'd only come to pick me up!

Last weekend, I saw 3 big guys punching and kicking the head off one guy so I ran over and helped out.. that dude didn't stand a chance against the 4 of us

Paddy went into a builders yard and ordered 3500 red bricks. The merchant asked Paddy what he was building and he told him a barbecue. "Why the hell do you need so many bricks?" "I live on the 21st floor." said Paddy.