Sickipedia

I was out shopping earlier when an African illegal immigrant asked me for directions to the local KFC I told him to head south down main street, keep going, take a left at Senegal and stay the fuck out of my country

"emergency declared in Birmingham after bin strike leaves city with 'rats the size of cats'" Otherwise known as 'muslims'

For the first time ever, Mohammed was the number one name for baby boys in the UK The number one girls' name was "biological waste disposal only"

The death toll in the Indian plane crash is climbing rapidly... unlike the plane

Ellie Goldstein and her dance partner's Strictly story is destined to end in true love... they'll be like Chromosomeo and Juliet

Tik tok have removed their chubby filter. They said it was because of feedback. In reality it was because wasps wife used it and overloaded their servers

I saw a huge spider this morning and I was as terrified as a coke bottle in an Indian toilet

Harry Harry Harry, what did I say, you burn the coal, you pay the toll

Good luck to Manchester United's new signing Benjamin Sesko

I bumped into Benjamin Netanyahu in Newcastle upon Tyne today and asked him what brought him to this part of the world. He said he was watching the news and saw something about Gazza and a hospital, he couldn't believe he had missed one out and was here to blow it up