Sickipedia

Anyone know where the body is being stored? I’d love to pay my ‘respects’.

You can tell summer is on it’s way.... The skirts are getting shorter, bare legs, a couple of extra buttons undone on a blouse. The only trouble I have is containing my hard-on. It’s not easy being a lollipop man.

New tactics for Arsenal next season..... tell Ozil that the opposition midfield are after his jewellery. Never seen the bug-eyed over-earner battle that hard in a league match.

Serena has a Semi today. She’s hoping it goes down before her match starts.

Fellas... If you’re feeling stressed, under-valued and generally pissed-off at work, take a holiday with your wife and kids. You’ll be fucking ecstatic to see your boss again.

Watched The Irishman for 3 and a half hours today. Absolutely incredible. He’s just finished his 15th pint of Guinness and shat himself at the bar.

All you cunts that slaughtered me yesterday for suggesting that the votes might be slightly embellished (look it up thickos) ((I don’t help myself, I’ll admit)) look at today’s scores. Those who didn’t vote down my posts for no real reason apart from you think I’m a cunt, you guys are alright.

“Rail firm fined as man dies sticking head out of window.” In other news, owners of World Trade Centre fined for not having a sign on their buildings saying “Please don’t fly an aeroplane into these towers”. In Arabic.

Sky News. “Trans man gives birth after using female sperm donor.” I can’t even begin to tell you how much of that headline I don’t understand.....

You have to feel sorry for Emma Watson who has been “stressed and anxious” over turning 30 and being single. Though the 80 million quid sitting in her bank account might take the sting out of it....... Ironic that this “story” was right next to a piece about people using food banks and having less than £50 a week to live on for them and their families. Fuck them, I’m with poor old Emma.