Sickipedia

I couldn't get any bread in the supermarket today so I went to the park and threw I.O.U's to the ducks.

The plot of Mission Impossible 7 has been leaked online. Apparently Tom Cruise's mission, should he accept it, is to find out what's on top of his fridge.

It was nice to see Sean Cox, the Liverpool supporter who sustained a serious brain injury after he was attacked by a Roma fan, attend the game at Anfield yesterday. Sean is unique amongst Liverpool fans as the majority suffer serious brain injuries BEFORE becoming Liverpool supporters.

I'm so glad that Mike Ashley has declared that Sports Direct is an essential shop and that they're staying open. Having a Dunlop golf umbrella and a big fuck off mug will be vital during the lockdown.

I can't help but think ITV would improve their ratings if they stopped showing Midsomer Murders and started showing Midsomer Sexual Assaults or Midsomer Rapes instead.

Ray Kennedy had suffered with Parkinson's disease for many years, every time someone asked him about it he used to give them a free pen just for inquiring.

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled parking space outside Asda this morning. I thought to myself, "I wonder what his handicap is?"

Ryanair are offering a new flight extra when you book with them, if you pay an extra 5 Euros they guarantee they won't sit you next to a nigger.

105 years ago today, the Germans & British troops brought a temporary ceasefire to the Great War and had a game of football out on no-man's land. The fighting resumed when somebody disputed an offside decision, I can't help thinking if they'd have had VAR things would have turned out a bit different.

I used to love playing knock and run when I was a kid, I still do, it's why I work for Parcel Force.