Sickipedia

I arrived for my job interview, having eaten a tuna sandwich, curly hair stuck all round my face, tongue sticking out to resemble a clit, etc. But apparently I still didn't resemble a big enough cunt to be a Siki mod.

I was confronted by an Arab who claimed he was royalty. He said he'd lost all his money, leaving him depressed, so he asked if he could borrow some. I think this could be a Sheik down.

I had a super shit this morning. The toilet paper wrapped round the top of it so it looked like a little cape.

Robbie Williams has said he's trying to terrify his kids off of ever taking drugs. His first step is to have them speak to an addict. So, after hours of talking to a sweaty, delusional wanker who would do anything for money, Robbie got up and took them to see a smackhead.

He can be difficult to find.

I was talking to my nextdoor neighbour Mohammed about how Coronavirus has affected the Muslim community so much. 'I know, it's a complete mystery', he said, before walking back to his one bedroom flat with several of his wives.

A man who was a Coronavirus carrier has been found guilty of murdering his wife after farting in her face. He was convicted after the police found skidmarks in his underwear. Apparently he followed through on his threats to kill her.

Inspired by blahblah More Coronavirus hacks: Recreate going to the gym by doing a few push-ups, followed by eating a chocolate bar, then showering with male family members. Miss your wife's driving? Experience the panic and possible shitting of your pants by ingesting strong laxatives whilst the bathroom door is locked. Have an indoor BBQ by burning everything under the grill, playing music too loud, getting drunk, and using Skype to call your neighbour a cunt.

I was watching a movie last night about a mystery assailant who likes to tweak women's nipples. I couldn't believe the twist at the end.

My wife's personal hygiene has gone down the pan, she's moody, she stinks, she doesn't work, and she's got her face covered up 24/7. Nothing to do with lockdown, she's just converted to Islam.